From Marriage To Online Dating

How things have drastically changed while I’ve been away

Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash

A lot has changed since I was last single, which was back in 2006. That’s 14 years ago, because if you’re anything like me, its hard to comprehend how far into the century we have come.

After a decade in a monogamous relationship, being newly single has come with its fair share of insecurities.

First is the slew of online dating apps. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Luxy, Coffee meets Bagel and the list goes on and on. Setting up a profile that is visible to people based on your current location is kind of daunting. It’s like announcing to everyone around you, friends, colleagues, clients, that you’re on the market. This might be an unusual way to think of it, but it definitely felt that way when I first joined these apps. I would rather have wished to keep my relationships private. To do things the old school way. But now you almost never get to interact with people you don’t know. Everyone has airpods on and eyes glued to their phones all the time. So the only way to meet people seems to be to go online. But that makes you feel like you have your name and photos along with short “tell us about yourself” descriptions placed on the neighbourhood notice board of available people. I would rather not have male colleagues discuss my Tinder profile at work. Or to be labelled as ‘looking for something’. And then even a step further, clarifying what I am looking for. Is it “something casual”, “relationship” or “not decided yet”. I had a professor who was the target of so many inappropriate remarks by male students, because they were sharing screenshots of her Tinder profile. Being a professor in a well connected network of schools, they were distributed all the way from Milan to Paris. It just seemed to be a game you could not win. You needed a sexy profile to get attention in the split second people were going to look at you before swiping, yet you were bound within a particular scope of formality because of fears of being the target of the same types of remarks from your male colleagues.

I can see why it was a particularly difficult thing for me after coming out from a marriage, but is that also the way some other singles feel? I would be curious to know.